We were approached by adoption to consider adopting second time about 18months ago. We were aware of Kieran having an unborn sibling whilst still going through the adoption process with Kieran. After the adoption team had investigated possible 'family' and after months of waiting we were finally approached officially and allocated a social worker. Several months passed by and we went through the majority of the interviewing process again. We were given a date for early consideration panel, which was later cancelled, and an emergency meeting was arranged for ourselves, our social worker and her manager. From this meeting we were made aware that the Social Services would no longer support our application to adopt second time. The concerns being the same concerns the had the first time around.
Confusion, disbelieve and to be honest a little anger set in.
Jonathan and I cried a little... (well, actually I cried a lot) and thought 'they're wrong.'
After much thought and pleads for guidance, reassurance and comfort in prayer, we decided that we would go against their recommendations and attend panel anyway. During the short time up until panel Jonathan and I learnt very powerfully just what brotherhood and sisterhood meant. With little notice we pleaded for written assistance from those who lived close to us. Within a matter of an hour or so, we were overwhelmed with an abundance of short and long character reports and sentiments of unconditional support. With each new email that landed in our inbox, our hearts swell with gratitude and amazement of the things that were written. We sat in awe of those who had chosen to be our friends. An experience which I pray will always stay with us both, and we will often recall with fondness when thinking of love, support and friendship.
We went into our final panel with a spirit of peace, confidence and hope for a good result. Our hearts broke when we were told no, not this time, or anytime.
I can tell you that only as I've (we've) turned my pain over to heaven have I been able to be ok with this situation. There was a moment over the last few months where I found myself very near to giving way to bitterness and anger, but as always the Lord is never far and knows when I need pulling back in. I have felt of His arms extended towards me and my family. I've felt them around my shoulders, gently guiding me forward.
We were preparing to appeal their final decision with the independent reviewing mechanism when I attended a routine medical and blood test and it was discovered that I have a blood disorder and liver damage. Which has been traced to being contracted through a blood transfusion that I had as part of my operations as a child.
Now, I'm trying to face my trials with a little more faith, a little more patience and as in Mosiah 26, with a little more cheer.
Mosiah 26: 13-15
And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage.
14 And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage...
15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.
I'm learning to trust the Lord more, and trust that He trusts me.
